I Would Like to Return This Baby

Read the whole story

Every word, start to finish. The pictures come next — painted around your child, from one photo.

1. For Maeve, who was not consulted.

   For Ezra, who was not consulted.

   For Sana, who was not consulted.

   Dedication

2. The baby arrived on a Tuesday. Nobody had asked Maeve first.

   The baby arrived on a Tuesday. Nobody had asked Ezra first.

   The baby arrived on a Tuesday. Nobody had asked Sana first.

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3. It was loud. It was wet. It got every single visitor, and it could not even talk.

   It was loud. It was wet. It got every single visitor, and it could not even talk.

   It was loud. It was wet. It got every single visitor, and it could not even talk.

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4. So Maeve packed the baby neatly, with its blanket, and took it back to the store.

   So Ezra packed the baby neatly, with its blanket, and took it back to the store.

   So Sana packed the baby neatly, with its blanket, and took it back to the store.

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5. The store did not take babies. Third floor, they said. Past the lost umbrellas.

   The store did not take babies. Third floor, they said. Past the lost umbrellas.

   The store did not take babies. Third floor, they said. Past the lost umbrellas.

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6. The Returns Department did exchanges. A tortoise. A drum kit. A slightly older one, barely used.

   The Returns Department did exchanges. A tortoise. A drum kit. A slightly older one, barely used.

   The Returns Department did exchanges. A tortoise. A drum kit. A slightly older one, barely used.

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7. Maeve chose the drum kit. The drum kit was louder than the baby and could not be put down.

   Ezra chose the drum kit. The drum kit was louder than the baby and could not be put down.

   Sana chose the drum kit. The drum kit was louder than the baby and could not be put down.

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8. Back went the drums. Maeve asked for nothing at all, and got it.

   Back went the drums. Ezra asked for nothing at all, and got it.

   Back went the drums. Sana asked for nothing at all, and got it.

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9. The house was quiet. Quiet was not as good as Maeve remembered.

   The house was quiet. Quiet was not as good as Ezra remembered.

   The house was quiet. Quiet was not as good as Sana remembered.

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10. Maeve went back up the escalator. Two steps at a time.

    Ezra went back up the escalator. Two steps at a time.

    Sana went back up the escalator. Two steps at a time.

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11. The counter had a bell and nobody behind it. Maeve rang it eleven times.

    The counter had a bell and nobody behind it. Ezra rang it eleven times.

    The counter had a bell and nobody behind it. Sana rang it eleven times.

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12. The baby was exactly where Maeve had left it. Maeve pulled a face. The baby laughed — its first one.

    The baby was exactly where Ezra had left it. Ezra pulled a face. The baby laughed — its first one.

    The baby was exactly where Sana had left it. Sana pulled a face. The baby laughed — its first one.

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13. Maeve carried it home. It was still loud. It was still wet. It was, apparently, her.

    Ezra carried it home. It was still loud. It was still wet. It was, apparently, his.

    Sana carried it home. It was still loud. It was still wet. It was, apparently, her.

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